Page 3 Swimwear Shots

The stroke known as Front crawl was first glimpsed in this country in 1844, in a competitive swim between some British champs and two visiting Native American swimmers named Flying Gull and Tobacco.

While the Brits swam their customary gentlemanly breast stroke, Flying Gull and Tobacco beat them every time with their bizarre swimming technique.

A newspaper report moaned: ‘Their style of swimming is totally non-European. They lash the water violently with their arms, like the sails of a windmill, and beat downwards with their feet, blowing with force, and forming grotesque antics.’ And for at least another 30 years Victorians refused to have anything to do with the North American’s technique, which they branded ‘barbaric’ and ‘ungentlemanly.’

Front crawl’s come a long way since then. But for me, the apotheosis of ‘ungentlemanly’ and ‘grotesque antics’ will be witnessed this Thursday, as I paddle across the Solent towards Bestival. (With probably loads more ‘grotesque antics’ when I get there too!)

I’m literally wetting my wetsuit at the increasingly hysterical weather forecast for Thursday: http://www.metcheck.com/V40/UK/FREE/dayforecast.asp?zipcode=Ryde&day=3

(enormous winds & gusts against us as we set out towards Ryde. WTF!)

So I may indeed be ‘lashing violently’ before I even dip toe in water.

The other important target I’ve yet to reach is my fundraising for childhood cancer charity Families Against Neuroblastoma.

I’m only £50 off my target – you could push me over today : http://www.bmycharity.com/swim2bestival4FAN

Been nice knowing you,

Ben x

PS: Since the last list of weird search engine referrals to this blog, apparently these typed in searches have stumbled upon it too:

    • fat wetsuit dude

    • wetsuit for woman fetish
    • huge jellyfish sting
    • ben belblum superjournalist and swimmer (this one I like… apart from the Ed Millibandish spelling of my name)
    • the shark from jaws where is it now? (is Google a bit broken?)
  • sock fetish dvds
  • ass swim pic
  • swimming costumes for fat boys
  • wetsuit triathlon fetish

and many, many more too disturbing to mention…though while you’re all here, feel free to sponsor us too:

http://www.bmycharity.com/swim2bestival4FAN

PPS: If you really like photos of guys in wetsuits all that much, there’s a page three swimwear shot of me and fellow Bestival swimmer Andrew Hudson today. Page three of the Guardian G2 section, that is! Along with some advice I got from Basement Jaxx’s Simon Ratcliffe who did the swim last year: http://gu.com/p/3xjbv Simon told me he missed the freezing cold lido at 7.30am with all the eccentric characters you get ploughing across the chilly water so much that he had to do another swim this summer, the Hellespont in Turkey – from Europe to Asia. Not sure if I’ll feel the same after Thursday…

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all going swimmingly…

Just over two weeks to go and do I feel ready to swim the Solent?

Well … I’ve sprung a leak in my gimpsuit – I mean wetsuit – and had to send it back… So I might now have to actually invest in some goosefat if it doesn’t return in time. (Wonder if that will actually keep me warm or just make me taste better for sharks?) As a vegetarian, is olive oil a passable alternative to goose fat?

I’ve swum 4k (need to get up to 6K) at the lido and it took two and a half hours- far too long. Though I did learn a valuable lesson: Swimming in a less than tepid lido after eating an extra-hot vindaloo-strength prawn curry the night before isn’t the best idea. Not unless you want to wind-surf. Every 20 or so lengths I had to run to the toilet. (If my swimsuit gets fixed in time for my swim2bestival, and I’m zipped into it I wonder what am I meant to do if I need a toilet half way across? Hold onto a boat and hastily peel myself out?) I’ve got a stinking cold from swimming in freezing lidos, snot’s pouring onto the keyboard as I type.

I’m being overtaken by pensioners in the fastlane in the swimming pool. And every other swimmer’s offered me conflicting advice about how I should be swimming. Longer strokes. Shorter strokes. Elbows higher. Hands lower. Hands to the side. Don’t kick your legs- just use them for balance. Kick your legs 6 times per stroke. Everybody suddenly seems to know a lot more about swimming than me.

Solent / isle of Wight

Had a practice swim in Selsey, Sussex last weekend, and it was rather wavy to say the least. The Isle of Wight looks a lot further away from here, and it certainly seemed so, as every time I looked at it I got a mouthful of salty wave, and a faceful of seaweed. It was like swimming through a stormy cup of miso soup. Gone cold.

As if having to wear a wetsuit isn’t bad enough, I’ve been told to wear a swimcap. For visibility. My own – to see through my shaggy hair. And other boats/windsurfers etc who might mistake me for the sea as I splash about ineffectually.

charity swim to isle of wight

that's stray seaweed around my neck

They won’t be able to miss me now with my banana-coloured ill-fitting head condom.

So just over two weeks to go and I guess I feel as ready as ever. Which is a lot less ready than I hoped I’d feel by now!!!

Re: fundraising: I’m 2/3 of the way there- so thank you very much everyone who’s kindly sponsored me and suppported me thus far! And anyone that hasn’t yet please click on:

http://www.bmycharity.com/swim2bestival4FAN

-It takes just a minute & will help FAN save children with Britain’s most dangerous childhood cancer- Neuroblastoma.

Yours swimmingly,

Slightlylessfatboyswims x

SWIMSTAKES!

These are some of the most popular search terms that have brought people to this blog this week, according to wordpress:

‘swimwear’

‘most dangerous shark in the world’

‘boys swimwear pics’

‘triathlon guys’

– I can only speculate about which of these searches faced the most disappointment.

As none of the search terms included ‘The Ben Gelblum Swim2Bestival office (or home) swimstakes ™’ , I had better remedy that with this easy-to-cut-out Ben Gelblum Swim2Bestival office (or home) swimstakes ™.

Just cut out these options and you can have a sweepstakes gamble type thing with your colleagues/friends/family about my athletic & fundraising prowess or watery demise in the Swim2Bestival on September 8:

SWIMSTAKES!

And if you’ve got time to do that, you’ve DEFINITELY got time to click on this:

http://www.bmycharity.com/swim2bestival4FAN 

and sponsor my once-in-a-lifetime athletic endeavour and help lots of children in urgent need of cancer treatment.

Do it today! It’s Neuroblastoma Awareness Week, so please spread the word!

Yours swimmingly,

or not really swimmingly today as I’ve got a sniffly nose,

Ben x

PS: sponsor me now: http://www.bmycharity.com/swim2bestival4FAN

Loose Swimmin

So this blog doesn’t stray too far into the territory of outdoor fetish-wear, here’s a bit about swimming that I’ve just worked out.

In seven and a half week’s time (gulp) I’ll have to swim this far – about 4 miles, or 6 km from Gosport to where my son Rocky’s pointing, Ryde, on the Isle of Wight.

yeah, sure, Dad!

The fastest Swim2Bestival was an awe-inspiring 83 minutes last year, the slowest so far, just over 3 hours.
The trail I’ll be blazing on September 8th will probably be the aquatic equivalent of London Marathon’s slowest-ever ‘Brian the Snail’: however long it takes the ocean currents to bring me back to the Isle of Wight.
 
A beginner triathlete – ie: someone rather better at swimming than me – swims 25 yards front crawl in 20 strokes. If I can manage that, it should only take me me a total of 2,816 strokes to reach Ryde, burning a total 1,736 calories – the equivalent of 6 Marathons.
– I am, of course, not referring to the athletic endeavour, but the chocolate bar now better known as Snickers.
Watching TV apparently burns 145 calories per hour. Making my swim the equivalent of just under 11 hours of telly viewing.
– I guess that’s like watching a DVD boxset with all the extras.
I’ve never owned a DVD boxset, but I guess if I’m to attain such a level of fitness, I’d better be off to Blockbusters this afternoon to invest in some.
I wonder if Baywatch Series 1 burns off more than The Wire?
 

Anyway, enough about swimming.  This week will be International Neuroblastoma Week – find out more: http://www.familiesagainstneuroblastoma.org/

So help stop this child-killer claiming more lives & sponsor me now: http://www.bmycharity.com/swim2bestival4FAN .

At least that’ll shut me up for a bit!

Why do I think this is important? Read this: https://fatboyswim.wordpress.com/about/

& feel free to comment below please,

All the Bestival,

Ben x

s***t creek

Solent today… a glassy sheet of calm waters as still as a mirror. Or a warm bath.  

Wonder if armbands are allowed?

http://www.bmycharity.com/swim2bestival4FAN